


One night at the amnesty lodge

by klatukatt



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Cute, M/M, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 10:13:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13522083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klatukatt/pseuds/klatukatt
Summary: Ned and Barclay have met before, but what happened?"Ned Chicane wouldn’t recognize magic if you shifted right in front of him.”





	One night at the amnesty lodge

**Author's Note:**

> The Adventure Zone : Amnesty spoilers. Shout out to that one Tumblr that yelled "I SHIP NED CHICANE AND BIGFOOT!" I could never get that out of my head.

“Ah yes, Barclay, as I recall you made me a delicious Monte Cristo.”  
Barclay eyed Ned, wondering if he was playing it cool or if he really didn’t remember. He was very drunk the one night he stumbled in to the Amnesty Lodge…

“Mama, Ned Chicane is in our bar!” Dani sounded upset about this. Barclay was award there was someone new at the lodge tonight, but hung around to hear what Mama had to say.  
“Now Dani, calm down. He may be drunk but he don’t mean no harm.”  
“But he runs that supernatural shop—museum—thing! You don’t think he’s onto us, do you?”  
Barclay had heard of the Cryptonomica and the Folks from the Lodge tended to stay well away.  
Mama sighed. “I have been in his shop and I can assure you the place is a total sham. Ned Chicane wouldn’t recognize magic if you shifted right in front of him.”  
“I still don’t trust him.” Dani’s voice was calm but she was shifting her weight nervously.  
“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Barclay chimed in. “I can play the friendly cook-slash-bartender. Then anyone who feels uncomfortable can stay out of the way.” His plain demeanor exuded trustworthiness and even though Dani saw through the veil she gave him a solemn nod.  
“Great!” Mama clapped her hands. “Barclay will keep him distracted and I’ll be around so we got nothin’ to worry about.”

“What can I get started for you?” Barclay wiped non-existent grime off his hands with a clean towel as he walked behind the bar.  
“Well that depends on whether you’re my chef or my bartender.” Ned threw back his head and laughed at his joke. He was quite intoxicated.  
Barclay smiled. “Both. It’s just me tonight.”  
“In that case I would love for you to fix me a Monte Cristo sandwich, no pickle needed, but first! I require of you a scotch on the rocks.” Ned attempted a whisper which was still quite loud. “One of your mid to, ehm, low shelf bourbons should do the trick.”  
“I have just the thing,” Barclay replied, conspiratorially. He made a bit of a show out of the drink, pouring from an unmarked bottle directly into the glass without measuring. He wasn’t worried about how much Ned got. This particular blend was made for Other Folk that couldn’t handle full proof alcohol. It felt strange serving it to a human.  
“Ah, that is a tasty blend.” Ned took another appreciative swig.  
“Glad you like it. I’ll be right back with your—grilled ham and cheese, right?”  
“Monte Cristo!” Ned lifted his glass in confirmation.  
Barclay cooked it up fast, not wanting to leave his guest alone for long. Ned was eyeing the emptiness of the place when Barclay returned.  
“Pretty slow as of late?” Ned asked before stuffing his face.  
“Yep. It’s the off season, aside from a few regulars. We were kind of surprised when you showed up.” Barclay leaned on the bar in an interested sort of way, prompting a response.  
“I may have taken a wrong turn or five and wound up on a dirt road with no hope of turning around. When the lodge loomed out of the dark I thought I might have been hallucinating, had I not been driving and quite sober.” Ned gave Barclay a serious look as he wiped his mouth. “How fortunate I was to have discovered the legendary Amnesty Lodge.”  
Barclay knew more about humans than many of the other residents so the blatant lie was a way for Ned to open his circle of trust. Closing that circle was the casual mention of the Lodge which brought the validity of Barclay’s statements into question. With so many circles of logic it was a wonder humans ever communicated anything. However, Barclay was more adept at shaking off illogical conundrums than some other Folks and decided to press his luck further.  
“It was certainly fortunate for us. We don’t get many folks like you up here.”  
The look Ned gave him went right through Barclay and he felt for sure his veil had been pierced.  
“No, there are-ent many folks like me up here.” Ned leaned back and sighed. “Not many at all.” He swilled back the rest of his whiskey.  
“Another drink for you?”“No, I think I’m due some fresh air.”  
Barclay was unsure of what to do. He could tell there was some secret there but had no idea what a human could be hiding. He bussed the plate and utensils, not the glass, before deciding to join Ned out on the patio.  
“I don’t know what you put in your drinks, but it made me lightheaded.” Ned chuckled mirthlessly. They stared up at the stars. After a moment Ned asked, “Why did you follow me out here?”  
Barclay felt no reason to be hesitant. “I was curious.”  
“About what?”  
“About you.”  
Suddenly Ned’s hand was clasping his own. Barclay hadn’t realized how tall and broad Ned was. Without his veil they would have been on eye level. He only realized this now that Ned was turning to face him.  
“Really, you are too young for me.”  
Barclay felt a strange surge of emotion. “I am older than I look.”  
Ned took a half step closer which was enough to close all distance between them. Barclay took a sharp inhale as Ned tilted down his face to his and—Oh! Ohhhhhh. That was the secret. It wasn’t too much of a surprise—Barclay decided to stop thinking and enjoy this moment.  
He pulled away suddenly.  
“Wait, I can’t.” Barclay suddenly felt like wincing away from Ned’s gaze, which didn’t make any sense since he promised nothing and owed nothing.  
“Oh. All right. That’s fine.”  
“No, no… I mean, Thank You, but—I – can’t.” Barclay didn’t want to look into Ned’s eyes because he knew there was no understanding to be had.  
“Like I said. That’s fine.”  
“Come on back inside. Let me get you another drink, on me.” Barclay started to walk away without letting go of Ned’s hand.

“We’ll it’s no wonder you didn’t want to kiss me!”  
They were in Ned’s car, thumping through the woods, hoping to outrun an undead bobcat, and Ned was laughing like a maniac.  
“God, I bet the psychologists would have a field day with this one! You get rejected and then the guy you like turns into a literal monster. Talk about repression!”  
Barclay was holding onto the upper handle and the seat while trying to talk calmly. “Ned, I have to reiterate, this is not a dream. In fact, the reverse is true. I didn’t turn into a monster because I didn’t want to kiss you, I wanted to kiss you but couldn’t because I’m a monster.”  
“So I’m supposed to believe that you are actually Bigfoot and also into me?”“Yes, Ned, yes. I’m laying it all out here.”  
“Ha! This is nuts!”  
“Ned, NED, BREAKS!”

Thump, hiss. A clearing in the woods with two people and a gate made out of stone. The story continues.


End file.
